Dr Grordbort's Rocket full of guns
by Wombat Evans
Summary: This is a written version (and a bit extra) of the comic Dr Grordbort from the teamfortress2 website.


It was about midnight, and the 4 men sat on the hill overlooking the mighty 2fort. Each of them had a cup of tea and a spoon. Soldier had just finished another day of blasting and jumping on rockets and he was not happy. His team lost twice and they lost their Pyro. He actually snapped his rocket launcher in half from his anger and called it a 'sorry excuse of a gun' and promptly threw it behind him knocking out a fellow RED Scout with it. He was not happy with his guns and wanted some new guns. So to cool off he decided to relax and drink tea with his old teammates. The problem was, his old teammates were dead. So he had to make do with cardboard cut outs of them. This meant none of them had drunk one sip of their tea. they hadn't even touched their spoon! But no matter, Soldier had it all worked out. He would drink the tea for them, so that it would look like they had drunk the tea.

"Remember when half our platoon died taking that godforsaken hill back to America?" said the Soldier

"The was hard. But the Chief asked us to do it, and he'd have had our army badges if we didn't" said the Soldier, before bursting out into laughter that could kill a hedgehog.

"Ahhh, listen to us broken down old dogs jawing on about the war... That we were invited to. Yeah we've seen _too much_ us four," said Soldier as he faced the first Card teammate

"Salty pete ... Iron-eye ... Pepper pot pete..." Soldier said as he named each Ikea Flatpack Soldier one by one.

"Salsa pete," Soldier had already changed his mind about the names.

"Remember that time you dug a trench with a shovel? A lot of good men died falling in that trench," said Soldier chuckling under his breath.

"Ahhh, Soldiering war times. More tea, Peter Pepper-Pants?" asked the soldier, as he poured tea into pete's cup

"These tea rations are swill! That's all they give us grunts for our tea parties, am I right-" But soldier was stopped as a strange noise was coming from the distance, though this didn't stop him pouring his teammate tea.

"Eh?"

But before he could finish pouring, a loud whooshing sound like a screeching cat being launched from a building went overhead, making him spill the tea.

"What the!" Soldier exclaimed. The whooshing sound was a meteor which looked as if an apple had been crushed, then set on fire.

"INCOMING!" shouted the Soldier as he ran to impact place.

"It's a missile! Quickly, Men! One of us should throw ourselves on top of it!" ordered the Soldier. There was no answer from the cardboard squad.

"Fine. I'll do it. Cowards!" screamed the soldier as he slid down the giant creator.

The soldier walked cautiously up to the missile.

"Hold on, this isn't a missile..." said the Soldier suspiciously. He went up closer and found a handle. He proceeded to open up the Missile.

"It's a rocket!" said Soldier excitedly. He looked inside.

"A rocket full of _Guns_," said the Soldier with a crazy look on his face. He picked up all the guns out of the rocket and placed them on the ground. There were two pistol shaped guns which looked like something out of a Sci-fi film and the other one was a rocket launcher shaped gun. This also looked like a Sci-fi Mega gun. Soldier picked one of the pistols up.

"Pew! Pew! Pack up the tea boys! We're joining the space marines!" shouted soldier loudly as he shot one of the guns into the air, incidentally killing a space craft nearby. But soldier didn't care for stupid aliens, He had new **Guns!**

"I shall call you," pointing to the smaller one

"The Righteous Bison!" said Soldier, proud of his new name for his amazing new gun.

"And you, the big one, are you listening champ?" said Soldier, sternly at the Big gun.

"I will call you... The Cow Mangler 5000!" shouted the soldier, triumphantly.

"Chaaaaaaaaaaaaarge!" shouted the soldier, as he loaded himself with the weapons and ran off, knocking over his cardboard teammates. Soldier had no time for his friends anymore, he wanted to kill some people with lasers.


End file.
